Another Prove of Evolution Theory

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?

Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.

TT: Ticket hai?

Sadhu: Nahin

TT: Chalo

Sadhu: Kahan?

TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam.

Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS

Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?

A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?

Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.

Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.

Japan Fast But India Very Very Fast

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”



The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!

The Japanese exclaimed, “What??… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!

Passionate

Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.

As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate."

They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate."

The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!"

She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"

Eating Vegetables

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review

If you want to know how good Taare is, just go to your nearest theater and watch the people coming out after the show. The cacophony that surrounds a crowd exiting a theater will be missing. Some would be walking in slow motion. Some would look petrified. At least thats what happened in the theater I went to. Not a single soul was talking after the movie, probably because what everyone saw on screen was not fiction, but a semi-biography of his/her own life. In fact, the normally rowdiest gang in a theatre (ie my friends and I) that is uber vocal at the end of a film left the theater in pin drop silence. The first thing we said to each other -Aamir Bhai has done it again.
Indeed, Aamir Khan had done it again. I have a gut feeling that Taare would change people like no other movie has previously done.
I know only Aamir can make a film like Taare. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like?

If Karan Johar made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kids mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
Abhishek Bachchan as the kids dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kids mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone elses girl.
It would have one dance number.
The film would be titled Kuch Taare Zameen Par.

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.
Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene..
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.

If Farah Khan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
SRK as the teacher (yawn).
In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farahs version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbhs character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! Im quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background..

If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kids prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
The films name would again start with a K.. probably Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen par.
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made Taare:
Obvious starcast:
Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
Paresh Rawal as the kids dad.
It would be a brainless comedy. The kids dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the directors opinion, would be funny.
The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like is umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. Thats where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boys mental abilities anyway.

I know there are a lot of other directors, but I choose these guys because I feel they are the most gutless or overrated directors we have today. They keep doing the same shit again and again and more often than not depend on the stars to carry a shitty film forward. They have no courage to try something non-nonsense, something that can use the medium of cinema for a little more than just entertainment, in spite of being the most sought after Taare Zameen Pars in the country.
The reason I am making this comparison at all is to show how Aamir (and Amol Gupte) has made a pure film, without giving into the temptation of masala or what would the audience like to see philosophy; for giving chance to fantastic yet unknown actors like Vipin Sharma and Tisca Chopra for riding against the tide; for not trying to hog the limelight in the film by happily playing second fiddle to the boy (even Aamir Khans name comes after Darsheel Sarfi, the boy, in the credits); for giving the audience something different once again as an entertainer; and for truly caring about the society and using the medium to bring a change.
I remember earlier this year SRK made a statement: films are for entertainment; messages are for post offices. Well Aamir Khan has proved that cinema is probably the best medium for giving a message and I can say that looking at the face of every person in the cinema hall. Not only that, he has proved (yet again!) that a message can be entertaining.

Handicapped Horse

The trainers last minute instructions to a jockey were to shout "Up and Over" at each jump.

The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions.

The horse clumsily tripped over the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted "Up and Over" at each jump. So... won the race.

The trainer asked him, "What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?"

The jockey replied, "No, the horse must be deaf."

"No way!!!" the trainer insisted. "Blind, yes....but not deaf..."